The Lily Pad

Eating Out

2009-01-22T20:44:00.001-06:00

Doing anything with a headstrong, high needs toddler is an adventure… but eating out has to top them all. Here’s how we kept Lily-Ann busy while we ate out at Bonanza this evening.

One cone contains vanilla ice cream, the other chocolate mousse. Mmm… mmmm… good. :)

18 Month "Well Baby" Check-up

2009-01-21T12:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we took Lily-Ann in for her 18 month “well baby” check-up. She weighs in at 27 pounds 1 ounce. She leaned her head nicely from side to side as Dr. Goluboff looked into each of her ears, and patted her belly when he asked her where it was. After the exam he pronounced “That’s one healthy baby you’ve got there.”

Renewed Blog

2009-01-20T12:51:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone. Long time no type. I promise to be much better with getting photographs and stories up for all of you. For now, here’s a more recent photograph of everyone’s favorite red head.

And yes… I realize she’ll likely kill me for this one when she’s older… but it was soooo worth it. Isn’t that just the cutest little bum in the whole world???

Photos From March

2008-03-13T18:03:00.000-06:00

VIBee

2008-03-13T17:41:00.000-06:00

Well... I figured since I promote the heck out of the Burts Bees Baby Ointment that I might as well make an ad for it. LOL So here it is, featuring Lily-Ann of course (photos I shot today, because I opened a new box of the diaper cream). Lily is our VIBee, our Very Important Baby.

Lily Singing Karaoke

2008-02-25T19:29:00.000-06:00

Just thought I'd share a few photographs of Lily... it's been a while since I uploaded pictures for a slide show, and I'm sure some of you are chomping at the bit for a Lily-Fix. LOL So here she is. Singing Karaoke downstairs in the music room at her Poppy and Grams place. Marie, Damon, and Lily-Ann sat downstairs for quite a while just singing along... it was really cute.

I'm Full

2008-02-16T20:20:00.000-06:00

I haven't been on myspace much these days. Lately I've been filling my online time with some of the applications at facebook (like "personality", "my personality", "human pets", and the old standby "oregon trail")... useless time wasters, but fun none the less. Besides, Damon is actually on facebook - and it's nice to do things together, even if it's just online.

Despite the huge changes Lily-Ann has gone through recently, I haven't found myself inspired to write much. I'm sure you've noticed. My blog had pretty much become posts consisting of a few sentences and an abundance of baby pictures. I know there are some of you who were/are grateful for those type of posts, but I'm also sure there are others who waited for something more substantial... and... well... substantial only comes when inspired. Today I hit on such inspiration.

I've been sick for a few days. Nothing serious. Just a cold. I'm on the tail end of it now, which is when my head tends to really hurt. I get colds often enough to know their life cycle. Seems since having Lily-Ann I've got a bullseye on my forehead for germs. If there's a bug out there, it's bound to end up going through my system. I'd had a few fairly healthy years, so this one has been a bugger and a half. I'm lucky to get a week or two between strains. It's beyond frustrating. Anyway. Like I said. This one is on it's way out.

My head is pounding like mad. My sinuses are gorged, stuffed, and my skull feels like it will erupt, spilling it's contents. I'm tired of being medicated - dimetapp, tylenol... after a while you just end up drained. Which is what I wish for my sinuses, drained and empty. In the midst of holding my head in my hands, rubbing my forehead into the bed, moaning about the unceasing fullness, I realized that I'm full. My heart is full. Unlike the packed in, congested, uncomfortable pain that is the fullness in my head, this fullness is one of a comprehensive, rich, deep, all encompassing contentedness.

I lay down, in a darkened room, on my stomach. My head resting on my hands at the foot of the bed. Gazing up near the low celling I am mesmerized. I watch Lily-Ann, on the cusp of sleep, gripping her Daddy's shirt in her wee fist. Her head in the crook of his neck, trying desperately to hold onto any form of wakefulness. He holds her fast, tight in his stable embrace and within his heart. I watch his eyes, move from her to mine, and back again... and I know that I am full.

In this time, in this place (this tiny, messy, over-crowded place), I am full. Despite it all. I am full. My heart. My world. There is no room for any more.

These quiet moments of realization are what, I believe, we all live for. They are what fuels us. What we look towards, and gaze back upon. They are what give us hope for the future. They are our raison d'être.

No Lily to Rest My Eyes on Tonight

2008-02-09T00:02:00.000-06:00

I have gone through a wealth of emotion tonight. It's my first night away from Lily-Ann.

I'm staying at my Mom & Dad's place for the weekend. They left on Thursday, and will be coming back on Sunday. Dad had a gig that worked out for Mom to go along so I jumped at the chance to babysit for the weekend. It's been FAR too long since I last spent the weekend, just me and my siblings.

Last night I had Lily here with me. She did pretty well. She'd get a little disorientated when waking, needing a feed or a diaper change. She wasn't always sure where we were at first, and would be a little alarmed, but would soon settle down knowing that I was right there. However there were a LOT of noises here that continuously woke her.

The phone here rings ALL the time. The dogs are loud and shrill. The kids make a lot of noise. The house creaks. Even my parents bed seems clamorous. All this made for one tired little girl. I thought a lot about it, and asked Damon to take her home with him tonight (he sleeps at home when I spend the weekend here, mainly to take care of the dogs while I'm away).

I figured I'd be fine. I've had how many years without Lily-Ann? How few months with her? I thought that maybe this would be a bit of a reprieve for me too. Actually get a full nights sleep - haven't had that since I became pregnant. I knew though... as evening drew closer and closer, that this was going to be horribly difficult for me. I resolved to send Lily home for the night, regardless of how it would affect me. She needed to be at home. Needs to be at home.

Oh how the tears flowed as I handed her to Damon, watched him bundle her into her car seat, and then stood there as they drove away. Thankfully the kids were all busy with a movie I brought over (they didn't even realize Lily and Damon had left until after it had ended). I never imagined it would be so hard to be without her. It's just one night. She'll be back here tomorrow... but watching her leave ripped my heart right out.

Logically I know she'll be fine. She has her Daddy. But he's not me. He's not her mommy... and no one knows her as well as I do. No one knows what each little movement, each little noise, means... like I do. No one responds to her as quickly, with as much care, or with as much attention and detail as I do. She is my heart, and she's never been without me, or I without her.

After tucking my brothers and sisters into bed, I went into my parents room... where Lily and I slept the night before. I fixed her spot in the bed. I sat beside her spot, and I picked up one of her toys that was laying there. I held it and I cried. I'm such a baby.

These last couple of weeks have been so amazing. Lily-Ann has grown so much, learned so much, accomplished so much, changed so much. She's trying new foods every day. She's sitting up on her own. She lives with purpose, intent on taking things in. Constantly curious and so focused. Exploring concepts like cause and effect. She is so completely awe inspiring. I'm continuously struck by how much she has changed my life. I am SO lucky. She is SO incredible. She's amazing!

I'm such a wimp. I really do need to go to bed. I should be taking advantage of the fact that for the first time in a year I might be able to sleep an entire night. Instead, I'm out here wishing I were with her. I'd rather get a few hours intermittently throughout the night, and have her to astound me (because, yes... even in her sleep I find her breath taking). I'd prefer to be exhausted and in love, than fully rested and wondering.

She needed to be at home. I have to keep reminding myself of that. This isn't about what I want, or what I need. Lily needs to be at home. She has her Daddy to care for her and watch over her. I just have to buck up and deal with not having her here. Oy! Easier said than done.

It's going to be a long, long night.

Adventures With Fruit

2008-01-29T18:12:00.000-06:00

Lily-Ann had her first apple today! Just like her first veggie (some time ago), she was absolutely mesmerized. She did really good, and I couldn't help but snap a few quick shots to share. :)

LIly-Ann Can Hold Her Bottle

2008-01-24T16:00:00.002-06:00

On the 17th of this month, I bought a set of handles for Lily-Ann's bottles. She can now hold them all by herself. Mind you, she's not very good at it yet. LOL Only about half of what's in there ends up being ingested, but it's so darn cute to watch her practice. :)

Here are a couple of slideshows, full of pictures I took of the very first time she used the handles on her bottle. The first set is before I wised up... she had formula in the bottle. The second set is after I got wise... no shirt, just a bib and a bottle full of bottled water. :D Since then I've gotten even smarter. Now she has a sippy cup top for on her bottle, we reserve the nipples for when mommy or daddy is holding them. LOL

If you are ever having trouble viewing the slide shows, just click on the button that says "view all images" and a new window will open that allow you to see that particular set of photos.

Taija-Lynn & Lily-Ann

2008-01-15T11:02:00.001-06:00

Josh and Tyla (my cousin and his wife) brought their baby girl Taija-Lynn over for the going away party last night. Unfortunately they were only stayed for about an hour, and we were a half hour late. LOL But I did manage to snag a couple photographs of the girls together.

Family Moving On, and a 4 Generation Photograph

2008-01-14T23:51:00.000-06:00

Tonight my parents held a going away party for my Auntie Colleen and Uncle Jim. They are missionaries and are leaving tomorrow morning, they're moving to Panama. They will be missed, but at least this time it will be a lot easier to stay connected. Years and years ago (about 15 years actually) they took a missionary placement in the Seychelle Islands. Back then though, there was no myspace, no blogs, no instant messaging, no iChat... it was snail mail - which took a month to get there, and then a month for a reply. It's hard to see them go, but this time it's much easier.

While at the party, we took a moment to grab my Gramma, my Mom, and Lily-Ann for a quick photo session. As I've mentioned before, Damon HATES taking pictures... but he is getting better at it. :) He took about 16 shots, and with a little digital editing, we have a couple really nice pictures to show for it. So, here they are... Lily-Ann with her Mom (me, Tobi-Dawne), her Grams (my mom, Connie), and her Great Grandma (my Gramma, Shirley).

Lily and the Ramones

2007-12-30T16:26:00.000-06:00

Here's Lily-Ann opening a present from her Uncle Willie (my brother Wilson). She was more interested in the shiny paper than anything else. LOL

Joyous Yule!

2007-12-24T13:59:00.000-06:00

Wishing you the brightest of blessings during this holiday season and throughout the new year. This Yuletide has been especially wonderful for us this year, what with our own holiday elf and all. ;) Lily-Ann really does have a way with making things extra bright and full of hope.

Much love to you and yours!

p.s. Sorry for the images being a little fuzzy... photobucket didn't seem to like them the size I uploaded this last time. My bad.

Lily-Ann's First Prose

2007-12-20T22:01:00.000-06:00

Today I sat Lily-Ann at the keyboard and let her go to town. Here's what she banged out:

ddx c v xXA p ,0bbbbbbvcpzo9 rr b bg hkjhs cx ccc --˜ gggggg

Pretty awesome huh? LOL
Maybe she'll be the next Wordsworth or Dickens. ;)

Lily-Ann is five months old today.

Passing Objects From Hand to Hand

2007-12-19T13:13:00.000-06:00

Just a real quick blog entry. :) Lily-Ann is sitting in her high chair watching me type, so this really will have to be fast. She does NOT enjoy time spent with Mommy at the computer. LOL

A very big milestone in the life of a baby is the ability to pass an object from hand to hand. Well... Lily did so about an hour ago. :D Her Poppy (my dad) bought her a couple "chicken shakers on a stick" - which are really, just mini sized maracas that are shaped like eggs on a pole. Anyway, Lily-Ann successfully passed it from her right hand to her left after working at doing so for a few days.

Just thought I'd share a proud mommy moment.

Lily and Taija

2007-12-10T21:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Lily-Ann and I went to my cousin's wife's baby shower. Their little girl was born on November 20th, they named her Taija-Lynn Arvada. So, of course, I insisted on shooting a whole whack of pictures of the two girls together. I probably should have taken Lily's bib (poor teething baby can't help but drool like crazy these days) off for most of them, but didn't want Taija (pronounced Tay ah) to start fussing so the sooner I could get them set up and get it done the better. LOL It will be nice for the two of them to have someone to play with at family gatherings in the years to come.

Lily-Ann in Her Bouncy Chair

2007-12-10T20:52:00.000-06:00

Here's a quick slide show featuring Lily-Ann (of course) in her bouncy chair. These pictures were taken on December 7th.

Nekkid Baby

2007-12-08T15:27:00.000-06:00

Just a few pictures I took earlier today... well... yesterday. On the afternoon of Friday, December 7th.

Gotta love a nekkid baby!!!

Only Hours Old

2007-12-08T15:09:00.000-06:00

Here are a few pictures that my mother took when Lily was only a few hours old. She really was (and is) so beyond amazing.

It's Not Fair

2007-12-08T01:25:00.000-06:00

I have a rule about not coming upstairs to use the computer after my kids (parrot, turtles, rat, chinchilla) are asleep. I'm breaking it tonight. I should be downstairs getting ready to sleep, but instead I'm up here, having woken up my kidlets, blogging. Not very nice of me. I know.

We don't subscribe to cable television. We don't watch TV. We do however, watch dvd's of our favorite shows. Tonight I was watching disk one of the third season of Grey's Anatomy. This is why I'm now upstairs blogging.

In episode four of season three one of the story lines involves a woman, in labor. She has a natural birth plan, and is determined to stick to it despite things not going as well as would be hoped. Sound familiar? Like myself, she ignored the advice of doctors, and kept pressing onward. Determined to do everything in her power to have her baby naturally. As women our bodies are built specifically to create and birth these miracles called babies. This character couldn't do that, nor could I. Despite her failure, come the end of the episode, still within the O.R. after an emergency C-section, she thanks the surgeon, and lavishes love and affection upon her new baby.

What a load of bull.

So now I sit here, crying on my keyboard. I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring Lily into this world the way it was meant to happen. I failed her. My body failed me. And now I'm crying to a world of strangers because I don't feel I can confide in anyone who actually knows me.

I've done everything I can to avoid facing the emotional pain surrounding the non-birth of my wonderful, amazing, incredible little girl. I can't believe that it was a stupid, melodramatic TV show that brought it past the point that I could ignore it.

Lily is phenomenal. I fall more in love with her every day. As I confided in a friend, I sometimes feel I could get lost and drown in the oceans of her eyes. I love her with every fiber of my being. But the process of bringing her into this world was my worst failing... and the worst experience of my life.

I was so determined to have a natural birth. No medications, no interventions. No directed pushing, warm compresses. No syntocinon. Cord to stop pulsing prior to cutting. Baby, uncleaned, on my chest to breast feed immediately. No maternal/newborn separation. But nothing went according to plan.

In my birth plan there was a brief section in case of a Cesarean Section. Honestly I hadn't even thought much about it... but specified that both my husband and my doula were to be present, and that I was to watch the birth. Even that failed.

The one fear I'd shared with my doula, and that was actually written down in the formal birth plan that we provided the hospital with, was this: "Loss of control. Doctors taking over." That was the one thing that happened.

I know I should allow myself time to mourn, to grieve. I know it's the healthy thing to do. I just don't have the time. I don't want Lily to ever think that I'm grieving because of her. She's the most wonderful thing I've ever done. She's the most wonderful thing in my life. How does one separate her birth from her?

I was denied everything I hoped for. Not only that... the surgery itself was so traumatic that I've blocked a great deal of it from my memory. I have huge lapses in time that I can't account for. I remember finally giving up. Saying fine, agreeing to the surgery - several hours after the doctors advised me that it was necessary. Then I don't remember anything until I was actually in the operating room. I remember that Damon and Carly (my doula) weren't there with me. I was alone with a bunch of doctors in a blaringly bright white room. People were rushing around me, but no one was talking to me.

I remember being strapped to a table. I remember convulsing. I remember someone saying "that's normal". Then I remember Damon being brought in - but knowing that I was already open.

I remember vomiting, and then choking on it. Not being able to breathe. I remember someone holding a tray beside my head and somehow I coughed up however much vomit was caught in my airway. I remember vomiting a second time, and still strapped on my back almost choking on it a second time. I remember it falling on my face, my hair, my neck.

At some point I heard a cry. Logically I knew it had to be my baby... but there was no connection. Suddenly there was just a baby there. Damon left me alone.

I didn't know what was going on. I was numb. After a while the crying stopped, but I had no sense of time. I couldn't tell you if it lasted 30 seconds or two hours.

I heard someone ask if I'd like them to take a picture, and then there was a baby being held above my face. One of us (Damon or I) must have said yes.

Another lapse in time.

I remember at some point someone said "we're at layer eight". They weren't talking to me. I don't know if it was while they were cutting me or sewing me back together.

I remember being in the recovery room. Nurses kept running ice on me asking "is it cold?" "Does it feel cold?" All I wanted to say was "I don't know"... but they kept pressing. "Does it feel cold yet?" "Can you feel this?"

Suddenly my mom and Riki (one of my little sisters) were there in the recovery room. I think they were there for some of the ice questions. I'm not sure though. I remember my mom crying. I think I said that the baby looks like Riki, but I can't remember for sure. I heard Damon's voice, so he must have been there, talking to them.

The next thing I recall is being wheeled to another room. We paid for a private room, but I remember someone saying that there wasn't one available yet, that it would be a few hours. I was brought into a room with several beds. I remember transferring from the bed I was in to one of the beds in that room... lots of beds, but no other people. Transferring hurt an enormous amount. i remember seeing the baby being wheeled in. Then Damon, baby, and I were left alone.

Damon took a little bit of video. I know some time passed, but it wasn't much. I don't know what we talked about or what happened there. I just remember being there.

Nurses brought back another bed with wheels and told me my room was ready. I really don't think it was more than a few minutes later. I remember crying with pain and exhaustion when they told me I had to transfer beds again. I heard someone say that I'd be moving to a nicer bed.

I remember being wheeled down a hallway and crashing into a wall or a doorway, or something... or maybe that happened earlier. I think we might have crashed a few times. I had a lot of huge welts and bruises.

I remember transferring into the bed in my private room. It was a nicer bed.

I remember feeling numb. I remember having no feelings towards Lily. I remember wishing I could just go back in time. I remember being tired. I remember just wanting to sleep.

So that's Lily's birth story... well... her "un-birth" story I suppose. Someone on an email list mentioned the term birth rape - and that's what it felt like.

I suppose I feel some sort of relief finally sharing my experience of the actual event. The time leading up to it was joyous, despite the pain. With every contraction, every breath, I felt I was closer to bringing my baby into the world. My pain had purpose, and I was happy for it. The surgery robbed me of that. Robbed me of any purpose.

I know that there was a span of several hours that I've completely blocked. Lily-Ann's recorded arrival was 7:19 (7:20 would have been perfect... it would have been 7:20, on the 20th day of the 7th month in the year 2007, or 7:20, 20-07-2007) and the next recorded time was a digital time stamp on some photographs my mom took. She was in the recovery room with me at 10:00. I remember hearing someone say it was 4:00 (roughly) shortly before being taken for surgery. So 4:00, 7:19, and 10:00... Damon said the surgery didn't last long - so what was happening during that time. I'm a little bothered by that.

It's 2:15... I've been typing for almost an hour. Wow. I guess I really did need to just let go. To be honest I'm still blocking things. Only a few lines into relaying the actual events I shut off the emotions. If I'd kept crying I'd still be crying, I wouldn't be writing... and I really just needed to get this out.

Parents sometimes talk about their child being the best thing they ever did... but I don't feel that I was a part of Lily's birth. My worst nightmares couldn't have imagined a worse birth experience. I felt so cut off from her. I saw pictures my mother took of her that first day, and she was so beautiful. So amazing. So incredible. Yet I missed it. I was too in shock to notice. I don't even remember her beyond the plastic bucket she was in. I missed it all. The most incredible experience a mother can ever have... and I missed it.

More on Spoiled Babies...

2007-11-16T00:18:00.000-06:00

I don't mean to harp on this... but I really am completely blown away by this whole idea.

We aren't talking about a six year old child having a temper tantrum at the supermarket because he wants a toy. We're talking about a three month old infant who is crying because he needs the comfort of his parents loving arms. You cannot spoil a child by providing for their needs.

Affection, love, comfort, safety, security... these are needs.

A baby only cries to communicate a need.

Wow. Sorry. I really am just stuck on the fact that there are still people out there who are bound to the archaic belief that babies are trying to manipulate them into spoiling them. Jeeze. I can't get past it.

Lily-Ann is high needs. She needs us all the time. She needs to be held. She needs to be walked. She needs to be rocked, swayed, bounced, cuddled. Am I worried at all that she is spoiled? Not a chance. Because we are meeting these needs now she will grow to be confident and secure. She will know that we will ALWAYS be here to meet her needs.

A baby cries to communicate a need that is going unmet. Whether that is a physical need like hunger, pain, or a wet diaper, or an emotional need like being held. It is our job as parents, family, friends, caregivers, to provide for their needs... even if we don't understand WHY it is they need what they do. We only have to know that the need is there, and then rise to meet it. I feel such sorrow for all those little ones who have already learned, by three months, that they cannot trust their family to meet their needs.

I'm going to go hug Lily-Ann.

Spoiled Babies???

2007-11-16T00:02:00.000-06:00

A little background...
I'm a member of Babyfit.com, an online community for pregnant women (many who continue to be members after their babies arrive). The group there that I'd been most active in during my pregnancy was the group for moms all due in July of 07. I haven't been there much since Lily-Ann arrived, I simply don't have much time for things online - regardless of the topic. And believe me, if I were to make time for something, it's usually something about Lily or the dogs. However, I still have my preferences set to send me notices when something new is posted.
This brings us up to speed.

Today I received an email notice about a new topic that had been posted entitled "SPOLIED BABY!!!" (their spelling error, not mine). I was curious, and had a moment or two still since Damon was downstairs watching a sleeping Lily. Clicking on the link I discovered that one of the moms wanted to know how many other July moms let their babies "CIO" (read as cry it out). All I could think was "Wow! Really?". We're talking about three month old babies.

This mom considers her new infant son to be spoiled. She scolds her husband for picking their baby up when he cries. Somehow, she figures he's misbehaving if he cries because he needs attention and affection. I'm just beyond flabbergasted that someone could honestly believe that a baby who cries out for attention is spoiled or bad.

You can read the whole thread at: http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/team_messageboard_thread.asp?imBoard=20&imparent=496258

When I tried politely to point out that you cannot spoil such a young baby this was her reply, "When you hold a baby all the time and pick the baby up everytime they cry they respond to it."

Ummm... well... Yeah. Of course they respond when you pick them up. They respond to love. They respond to being held. You have responded to their request, their need for affection. How anyone can see that as a negative I simply am at a loss to understand.

She also states that "I make sure he is clean, not hungry or upset."

Perhaps it's just me, but a baby that is crying and being left to "cry it out" is obviously upset and in distress. How can someone not see that a child, who wants nothing more than to be held and comforted, is upset when you turn away from them and ignore their very fundamental needs and desires?

As my husband responded "how can you spoil a baby with affection?"

Wow. Just wow.

I hope she (or at least someone else reading her post) takes the time to look into Attachment Parenting, or to do a bit of looking into the work of Doctor and Martha Sears. It could do her, and more importantly her baby, a world of good.

The Obligitory Bathtub Pictures

2007-11-15T23:37:00.000-06:00

Every baby must have bath time pictures. So... without further ado... here are Lily-Ann's obligitory Bath tub pictures. Taken October 29th.

TEETHING!!!

2007-11-13T00:15:00.000-06:00

Lily-Ann is teething, and has been for a couple of weeks now. Poor girls gums hurt something fierce at times... others she just sucks on her bottom lip or chews on her thumb. There are times though when you just want to tear your heart out because you can't do anything to make her pain go away. We carry her, we rock her, we walk with her, we bounce her, we rub her gums with all sorts of things (fingers, cloths, teethers, soothers, blankets, etc)... but sometimes, no amount of soothing will help - and those are the worst times to be a parent. :( My poor little squishy strawberry.

On a happier note. I'm taking Lily-Ann swimming for the first time tomorrow. A couple other new moms will be bringing their wee ones along too. So we'll see how that goes. The water is going to be a lot colder than anything she's been exposed to so far, but I'm crossing my fingers that she'll love it. If so, it may be time to sign up for a mom & tot swim class. :D

Little Squeeks

2007-10-23T20:22:00.000-06:00

So I don't ever forget, I figured I should blog it...
When Lily-Ann and I were still in the hospital she made the cutest noises when breast feeding. She sounded like a little mouse, she squeeked when she gulped. Her gulps sounded more and more like large swallows as the days passed, and sounded like any others by the time she was 10 days old. Those first few precious days were pretty cool though. I've never heard a noise quite like it, even my rats don't squeek quite so sweetly. :)

Lily-Ann is Three Months Old (pictures)

2007-10-21T16:41:00.000-06:00

Okay... It's been a while since my last post. I've been busy. What can I say. LOL Being a mom pretty much takes up all of my time these days. Lily-Ann was 3 months old yesterday, which honestly just blows my mind. She's doubled in size (weight wise) since coming home. She's so big, and so clever. She babbles, and coo's, and laughs. She can almost sit up on her own, and she loves dancing. I'm just constantly amazed by her.

Sooo.... here's a slide show of Lily at 12 weeks.

Lily-Ann is Two Months Old Today!

2007-09-20T10:58:00.000-06:00

Well, it's September 20th. Lily-Ann is two months old. We went for our second "well baby" check up with our family doctor. She weighed in at 11 pounds and 14 ounces. We have to measure her ourselves, and well... we just haven't done it yet today. ;) Doctor said she looks really good.

I went for my post-natal check up today too. My ob/gyn is happy with the progress of my uterus (size wise that is). She said it shouldn't be long before it's back to normal. She said the incision looked great, and that the pain is still normal for this stage... and that it's likely I'll have pain for several more months. Honestly though? Even though the c-section was the worst experience of my life, I'd have gone through it eight times if that's what it took to get Lily-Ann here. I couldn't be more in love with her if I tried. :D She just constantly amazes me in every way.

Anyway... I can hear her fussing (she was snoozing with her Daddy) so I better go see what's up. Damon might need a hand.

Till next time, take care.

More on Lily-Ann

2007-09-03T00:37:00.000-06:00

People have been quick to point out that I still haven't provided Lily-Ann's vitals. Completely my bad. I also haven't really posted our birth story yet either. Again, my bad. The truth is, I haven't had much time for the internet lately. Emails go unanswered, my websites go unattended, message boards neglected, blog unposted to... it's becoming epidemic. I'm unbelievably far behind in every way shape and form. I know things will settle down eventually, and life will return to something close to a normal pace, but for now, I'm simply busy being mama san.

Here's hoping a couple of measurements will tide everyone over for the time being. ;)

Lily was born on 20/07, 2007, at 07:19 - the only way that would have been more perfect would have been if she'd been born at 20:07. ;) She was 7 lbs 14 ounces, and exactly 21 inches long.

Her eyes started out dark blue, and at six weeks and a couple of days, they're still a lovely dark blue - just like her mommy's. I couldn't be more thrilled. As I'm sure you've noticed from all the pictures, she's got perfect alabaster skin, and strawberry blonde hair - again just like her mommy. My hair is also beginning to return to it's old strawberry blonde self, the mousy brunette that showed up during the pregnancy is disappearing... and again, I couldn't be more thrilled.

Lily is a strong little girl, and has been holding her head up for a couple of weeks already. She's got a good grip too. I wanted to find her a rattle that was soft - so that if she hit herself with it, it wouldn't hurt. However, I couldn't find one anywhere... until I stopped at Petsmart. So, yes. Her first rattle is actually a dog toy, but it's soft, small, and it rattles quietly. It's perfect, exactly what I was looking for. Damon just has to deal with the fact that our dogs play with baby toys and our baby plays with dog toys. A toy is a toy is a toy.

Anyway, so much more I'd love to post about. So many stories to share... but my time is in short supply, and I'm afraid I have to run. Got bottles to clean (no, I'm still not producing enough milk on my own - which is beyond disappointing) and formula to mix before the girlie gets hungry again. She's so big now, it's honestly unbelievable. She really is extraordinary. I can't help but just stare at her and be amazed for a great deal of my day.

Take care!

Giggles!

2007-08-22T17:44:00.000-06:00

Okay, just a real quick entry... LILY GIGGLED!

That's right. Lily-Ann giggled for the first time today. I'd just finished changing her diaper, and was yaking at her the way I usually do, and out came the cutest, brightest giggle. It was really short, but it was very much a giggle. :D

Just had to share.

My Heart

2007-08-20T14:16:00.000-06:00

I wasn't one of those textbook moms, who falls in love with their baby at first sight. I was honestly in such a haze for the first several days that I can't recall feeling much of anything. Lily-Ann's birth was quite honestly the worst experience of my life. After such a horrible beginning, it was tough. It really was. I couldn't hold her for more than a few minutes (due to pain at the incision site). I couldn't change her (for the same reason). I couldn't bathe her. I couldn't take care of her.

On top of feeling the physical pain from the surgery, I was also loaded with guilt. I felt like such a bad mom. All the things that should come easy, should come naturally, didn't. I couldn't even produce enough milk to feed her (because of a breast reduction roughly 8 years ago). We had a pretty rough go of it... but because of my having such a hard beginning, Damon has ended up with a daughter who worships the ground he walks on, and he is completely wrapped around her little finger. THAT I wouldn't change for anything.

Lily-Ann is a month old today, and she completely has my heart. I still have trouble with some things - like carrying her, or holding her for more than about ten minutes - but things are definitely getting better. As I heal physically, I'm healing emotionally too. The more time that gets put between us and the C-section, the better things get. As terrible an experience as her birth was, it was a blessing none the less. After all, I would never ever wish to erase the event that brought me my little Strawberry, no matter how traumatic.

Lily really has become my whole world. So, despite it all, even without the textbook beginning, I've ended up being one of those moms. You know. The ones who are completely in love with their precious, perfect babies... and who bores everyone to tears with all the talk about how amazing their little one really, truly is.

Bucky Nan & Little Lil

2007-08-20T14:01:00.000-06:00

Brandibuck (our Havanese) has taken it upon herself to become Lily-Ann's official Nanny. As such, she's earned the new nickname "Nan". After feedings Bucky Nan is always sure to clean Lily's face of any spilled milk... Nan also cleans her eyes after baby wakes, and I'm sure she'd also do diaper duty if we let her. ;) Buck is very devoted to her little girl.

Lily-Ann Marie Has Arrived!

2007-08-08T13:14:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry for not posting earlier, but my recovery (physically and emotionally) from three days of labor followed by a stuck baby and emergency C-section has been rather slow. I promise I'll post the entire story bit by bit as I'm feeling better. For now though, the good news...

Lily-Ann is Here!!!

And she's the most beautiful baby I could have imagined. :)

14 Days, Scary Huh?

2007-07-01T00:43:00.000-06:00

As of today we're at 38 weeks. That's right, only two weeks until our estimated due date. Honestly? I find it a little scary. I'm SOOOO looking forward to meeting little Jack or Lily, but us, being parents? Really? Are we old enough for that? LOL Silly, I know. I'm 30, of course I'm old enough... but it barely feels like it.

We had our 37 week appointment on Thursday. We've been going in once a week to see Dr. Payton... so if you ever want an update and I haven't posted - they're always on Thursdays. So feel free to bug me. Anyway...

The only news is that I've dropped. Which honestly wasn't news to us. Believe me, if it weren't for the huge amount of pain and pressure in my pelvis, I'd have noticed the fact that my belly went south. Heck, even the gas station attendant noticed I'd dropped. LOL If that doesn't tell you how obvious it was, nothing will.

I've made a couple fitted bassinet sheets for the new baby bed. Love the new bassinet, but it only came with one sheet, you have to special order additional ones directly from the company, and they really aren't a nice sheet (kinda scratchy and thin). Soooo... I used the original sheet as a pattern, and started sewing my own. They aren't hard to do, just time consuming.

Damon and I bought four meters of flannelette in two matching patterns. Both are identical, with little lions, elephants, turtles, zebras, etc. being all cute on them. However one has a blue background and one has a green background. The bassinet being green, blue, and yellow we figured we should stick with that colour scheme.

When all is said and done, we'll have four new sheets. I finished two last night (the green ones), and will do the blue ones soon. I was thinking maybe today... but I'd rather go to ceramics and work on a couple projects I have going there.

I've been quoted in another article. My second about pregnancy. I hadn't been thinking back when the first article came out. I should have posted it... now I can't remember where it was. If I find it again I will post it here, it was about cravings. This one is about pregnancy brain. My quote doesn't play a large part in the article, but I always get a bit of a thrill out of other writers using me as an example. LOL

Anyway, here it is: http://www.pregnancytoday.com/articles/4843/1

Oh! Our new show dog is scheduled to arrive tomorrow from California. So keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well. Poor little guy has an awfully long flight ahead of him. I'll be sure to post all about him once he gets here. We've been awaiting his arrival for months now. :)

19 Days to Go!

2007-06-25T14:00:00.000-06:00

I'll admit it, I've been a bad blogger.

Bad! Bad Blogger! *slaps own wrist*

I've honestly just been so out of it lately, that I haven't had much (anything coherent anyway) to say. I'm sore, I'm tired, and, well... after I post this I'll be going for a nap.

I've been thinking a lot about our pregnancy now that it's almost over. There are things I've really enjoyed about being pregnant (feeling little E move, watching my alien trying to bust out, etc.), and a lot of things I won't miss in the least (hemorrhoids, nausea, pelvic pain, contractions, waddling, etc.). Women really must have selective memories, or I can't imagine why anyone would put in a repeat performance. ;)

The renovations here are so far behind that I prefer not to think about them. We got the front room done. I really do love having all my small animals (turtles, parrot, rats, chinchilla) in the same room. It's nice to be able to sit there and visit with all of them. It's the only room we've finished, so I'm spending quite a bit of time in there. Helps me stress less about the rest of the house.

We've bought all of the larger ticket items we'll need for E's arrival now. Car seat, stroller, crib, and bassinet (it's really cool, if you want to look it up on the net, it's the Simplicity 4-in-1 Convertible... yeah, it's not the co-sleeper I wanted, but Damon wasn't comfortable ordering something so expensive online, so I needed to find something that would work by our bedside locally, and this was what I found). Lots of little things still needed - like the ergo carrier, a diaper pail, a diaper bag, a wet bag (for in the diaper bag), etc. We'll get there eventually though. At least we have enough that if I go in early (which my doctor says is a possibility) the baby can get home (car seat) and have a place to sleep (bassinet). The rest will come. :)

Damon and I finally nailed down our name choices. He'd decided he really didn't want Alora or Edward, so we scratched them (despite my LOVING Alora). After some back and forth, he admitted that he wasn't cool with the idea of two middle names (another thing I love, figure we should give our child as many choices as possible should they decide they don't like their name)... so I let go of that too. What we ended up with were really his choices, but I'm totally cool with them as I liked everything we'd narrowed it down to. Soooo.... We're expecting either

Lily-Ann Marie Smith
or
Sidney Jackson Smith

After my little sister, Marie, and Damon's Papa, Sidney.

Anyway, now that we've caught up a bit. ;) I'm going to head on downstairs, cuddle with my kidlets (dogs), and attempt to get comfortable enough for a short snooze.

Until I post another update, take care.

Baby Name Help - Your Chance to Weigh in.

2007-05-29T17:25:00.000-06:00

Well, We've made it to 33 weeks and 3 days. 46 days until our due date, 25 days until we are considered full term. I think it's time to start nailing down all the details about E's name.

We've known from the beginning that it will be Jack or Lily... and that Lily will actually be Lily-Anne or Lily-Ann. But that's about where it stops. Middle names we're considering for Lily - Mae, Sydney, Marie, Alora... so she could be Lily-Ann Alora Marie Smith, Lily-Anne Sydney Mae Smith, Lily-Anne Marie Smith, etc. etc.

Mae was Damon's Grandmas middle name (Ila Mae), and I adored her. She was the first person to truly welcome me into the family years and years ago. She and I used to spend many of our days together. When Damon left for work, he'd drop me off at Ilas, and the two of us would just visit all day. I really do miss her.

Sidney was Damon's Papa (paternal grandpa)... and everyone who knew him loved him. He was just Papa - to everyone. He was always so full of love. He will always be missed and well remembered.

Marie is my little sister, and she is beyond special to both Damon and I. She's just... well... Marie. Words could never capture her, not truly. To try would only do her an injustice.

Alora is just something I really like.

So, what are your thoughts on a full name for Lily?

Now with Jack, we have even less decided... Jack could be Jacky, Giaccamo, Jackson or any variation on that theme. Middle (or first) names could be William, Sydney, Darius, Edward, or something else entirely. Soooo... Jack could be William Jackson Smith, Giaccamo Sydney Edward Smith, Sydney Jacky Smith, Darius Jackson Smith, etc.

William is a family name... my dad, my brother, and my grampa are all Williams. I think it's a beautiful traditional name. But we'd need to be careful to stay away from anything that would bring up Will Smith or Billy Jack.

Sidney is mentioned above (with Lily's explanations).

Darius is just a nice D name... and I kinda like the idea of Jack being a D.J. because that's what Damon is (Damon Jason).

Edward is a name I've always liked.

So... what are your thoughts on a name for Jack?

Please do weigh in. We don't have all that much longer to have something picked out... and obviously we're in need of some help in this department!!!

Second (and last) Ultrasound

2007-05-25T21:04:00.000-06:00

We had our second (and final) ultrasound yesterday morning. E has moved into the proper head down position, and all of the internal organs are looking good. Unfortunately we still weren't able to get a "for sure" on the sex... E had a foot up right in front of the genitals... So E will remain E until E is born. LOL

The not-so-thrilling-for-mommy news?

E is HUGE!!!

That's right. Huge.

Babies at this stage are normally about four pounds (some just under, some just over). E is five and a half pounds!!!! I'm real glad E is healthy and strong... but that's just plain scary! Definitely NOT looking forward to pushing THAT out. Damon, of course, couldn't stop grinning. Boy needs to be slapped. LMAO

Will I Love E?

2007-05-22T14:10:00.000-06:00

This may sound like an absurd worry to some... but it's a worry for me none the less. So many soon-to-be moms that I've visited with are already in love with their little one, before they even arrive. Personally, I have no such feelings.

Logically I'm quite aware that it's a baby growing inside my ever expanding midriff, but honestly? It's still a completely abstract concept. I think it's neat, I think it's exciting. I love watching my belly move about as if it's got a life of it's own. Despite all this, there is no feeling of love, or even of connection at this point. Should I not, at the VERY least, feel connected to the life inside of me? Feel some sort of bond? There is nothing. No link or tie. No attachment.

I know others will insist that it will come. I WILL have all these feelings and more... but how can anyone be certain, when I myself, am not? Will I love E when E arrives, or will there continue to be a disconnect there? E is neat, E is exciting, E is interesting... but E is not loved and treasured. That's not a good thought.

The closer we get to our due date, the more of a disconnect I feel. I realize it's probably a stress reaction, but I really am feeling less and less of a bond as the clock continues to bring us closer to E's arrival. Everyone around me can't wait for E to get here, and here I am wishing I was back in the second trimester with more time.

I don't have enough time.

More Chinese Zodiac...

2007-05-14T15:17:00.000-06:00

This site has excellent zodiac information... much more detailed, and too long to post directly into my blog. So, if you'd like a little more insight into the Snake, Horse, and Pig (or your own Chinese Zodiac sign) I highly recommend checking this one out.

S N A K E - H O R S E - P I G

Links to each of the other nine signs are located at the bottom, and top, of the above pages.

Chinese Zodiac

2007-05-14T15:01:00.000-06:00

Being born in 1977 I was born in the year of the red (fire) snake. According to chiff.com here's a bit about me:

Snake personality traits
Like a deep river, Snake people are usually placid on the surface, but their thoughts and emotions run very deep.

Quiet and unassuming, they prefer to work by themselves and are more often in the spotlight for their real and lasting accomplishments than for outward attempts at garnering attention.

Snakes hate to fail, and are very lucky when it comes to making money. With reputations for being hoarders, they are very frugal and careful about lending money to friends for frivolous reasons. However, they often show extraordinary sympathy when presented with an opportunity to help those who are truly in need.

Essentially loners, Snake people commonly keep their own counsel and rely on themselves to get ahead in life, mistrusting others' thoughts and opinions on matters of the utmost importance. Facts, too, get in the way of decision making for most Snakes, who prefer to use their own deeply held feelings and intuition in negotiating life's crossroads.

In matters of the heart, Snakes can be deeply amorous, jealous in nature, and do not handle rejection well at all. And woe to those who betray the trust and affection of the passionate snake!

In business dealings, Snake people command respect for their accomplishments and can enjoy great success as teachers, writers or philosphers.

----

Being born in 1978, Damon was born in the year of the brown (earth) horse. According to chiff.com here's a bit about him:

Horse personality traits
Like Tigers with whom they are most compatible, Horse people can be a jumble of contradictions.

Cool but hot-blooded, hard-nosed but humble, impatient but extraordinarily tolerant, the Horse is above all defined by hard work and self-reliance.

Although Horses work well in groups, they prefer to work by themselves and exhibit extraordinary levels of energy and concentration. They are good with their hands, but can be seen happily losing themselves in accomplishing any given task.

In social settings, they are cheerful, charismatic and sometimes overly talkative as they clairvoyantly finish other's sentences in conversation. However, they are also often the first guest to depart, usually due to a feeling of becoming too "penned in". Conversely, Horses are happiest in large crowds in open spaces and enjoy the comradarie found in pressing the flesh at outdoor gatherings or concerts.

In romance, they have a tremendous need for intimacy and belonging. However, once domesticated they often feel pressured in fulfilling family obligations, as they remain at heart powerfully rebellious creatures who will not be made to feel cornered.

Travel is a favorite pasttime, and horses are known to race off to any far-flung destination at a moment's notice. As such, Horses are well suited to careers as adventurers, poets, travel writers or politicians.

----

Being born THIS year, little E will be born in the year of the red (fire) pig. According to chiff.com here's a little about E:

Pig personality traits
Intellectually curious, honest and tolerant, those born in the Year of the Pig can be relied upon for their loyalty and often make true friends for life.

Like the knights of old, Pigs are often highly regarded for their chilvary and pureness of heart, and will often sacrifice their own well-being for the greater good.

The Pig can be very naive, however, and may easily fall victim to the unscrupulous who take advantage of their idealistic nature - as Pigs see everyone as loyal and caring as they are. Although forced to play the fool many times, they will just as likely hold fast to the notion that everyone is at heart decent and admirable.

Stubbornly optimistic, the Pig will not tolerate those with well-meaning advice on how to be a Pig, but since they dislike quarreling and discord their anger usually cools quickly. Sometimes looked upon as a snob, the Pig just finds it right and natural to exhibit good manners whenever possible. Their main goal in life is in serving others, and no matter how difficult circumstances become the Pig will never waiver or retreat, forging ahead in the sure knowledge that all will be well.

Pig people love to read, are generally thirsty for knowledge, and not readily talkative, but if presented with an opportunity to discuss topics of interest with like-minded individuals Pigs may find themselves talking non-stop for hours!

People born in the Year of the Pig are trusted associates in whatever career they happen to choose and often shine as entertainers, social activists or politicians.

If Little E is Born on His/Her Due Date...

2007-05-14T13:34:00.000-06:00

If E is born on the EDD (estimated due date) then here's a little information on him/her...

A special day 14 July (as taken from http://www.babycenter.ca/tools/birthday/results?month=6&day=14)

On this day:

1858: Emmeline Pankhurst, English suffragist and founder of the Women's Franchise League, was born
1862: Gustav Klimt, painter, was born
1918: Ingmar Bergman, director, was born

Horoscope
Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiac, it runs from 22 June to 22 July. It is a Water sign represented by the Crab

Birthstone (Modern)
Ruby

Birthstone (Mystical)
Ruby

Birthstone (Ayurvedic)
Ruby

Birth Flower
Larkspur

World Holidays
Star Festiva - in Japanese myth the two stars Altair and Vega are believed to be seperated lovers who can only meet on this day

The Great Smith Baby Lottery!

2007-05-11T14:55:00.000-06:00

Our baby lottery/pool has officially gone live!!

If you are in Saskatoon, you can enter your votes with Damon's Mom, my Parents, or Damon. If you are a long distance friend or family member just send me a message and I'll give you the snail mail address for entries. All local entries are being done on these cute little cards I designed, but distance entries can be on any old scrap paper. :) All you have to do is include the following information (plus the entry fee) and send it in.

Baby Guesses:
date of birth, time of birth, weight, sex, hair colour & eye colour
Your Information:
name, phone number, email address & snail mail address

Thats it. :) Pretty simple no? Anyway, here are the official rules and a few things that may help you make your guesses about little Jack or Lily.

The Great Smith Baby Lottery Rules
1. The fee for each entry is $3.00
2. You may enter as many times as you like
3. All blanks on entry form must be filled out
4. The entry fee must accompany each entry form
5. If there is a tie, the bonus questions (hair & eye colour) will decide the winner
6. Winner will receive 50% of the collected entry fees

Hints
1. Baby's estimated due date is July 14th
2. Baby's heart rate at 29.5 weeks was 134 beats per minute
3. The baby has been carried horizontal throughout pregnancy
4. As of 29.5 weeks, Tobi-Dawne had gained exactly 20 pounds
5. TD has a low Hemoglobin level (iron deficiency)
6. When TD was born, she weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces
7. When Damon was born, he weighed 7 pounds, 2.5 ounces
8. TD was born right on schedule
9. Damon was born 2 weeks prior to his due date
10. TD was born at supper time
11. Damon was born during the lunch hour
12. TD was born with light strawberry blonde hair
13. Damon was born with dark brown hair
14. TD was born with blue eyes
15. Damon was born with dark browny-blue eyes

Low Hemoglobin

2007-05-04T16:34:00.000-06:00

Found out, at my doctors appointment yesterday, that I have low hemoglobin levels. Not a good thing this close to our due date. The main risk is to me (not the baby) which is a plus - at least as far as my stress levels are concerned. For now, I'm upping my vitamin intake, which hopefully will result in a higher level next time we do the blood test.

As an information junkie, I had to search for more information. I can't be even a little in the dark on anything that concerns me or my family. The most basic explanation I found was from the Mayo Clinic website: "Hemoglobin is an iron-rich protein in red blood cells. Low hemoglobin is another way of describing a low red blood cell count (anemia)." - Dr. Ruben Mesa

From that point I was able to find out a whole lot more in my searches online. The most dangerous risks (beyond a blood transfusion for me) are premature birth and low birth weight. The risk isn't high, but it's still there. I also learned that raising hemoglobin levels through supplementation often takes between four and six months, and well, we really don't have that long.

So my plan is to take the extra vitamins religiously for the next while, and just hope that my levels come up high enough to get me (and E) out of the danger zone.

On a good note, I've scheduled my next ultrasound. We'll be going in on May 24th. So keep your fingers crossed that little E doesn't keep his/her legs crossed. LOL We want to know if we're expecting Jack or Lily on July 14th.

Oh! Today we're at 29 weeks and 6 days... 71 days to go. Tomorrow it will be week 30 with 70 days to go. Damon laughs like crazy at me for keeping such close watch on the days and weeks. LOL He should try carrying around all this extra weight (and the strangeness that goes with it), and then see if HE starts watching the time a little closer. ;)

It's Like That Scene in Alien...

2007-04-19T14:56:00.000-06:00

For the last few days Damon and I have been watching a rather strange phenomenon. Little "E" is so large now, that E's starting to poke right out of my bulbous belly.

I first discovered this strange turn when I was reclining in bed reading a magazine. Everything was going along as usual when the magazine, which was propped up on my belly (which is now conveniently at reading height) suddenly and mysteriously pitched one way then another before resting again at it's original height. I lifted the magazine and peeked down at my watermelon sized self.

It took me a second to process what had actually occurred. Truly unsure that anything had happened at all... I cautiously placed the magazine back down on my spheric middle third and returned to the article I'd been perusing.

Back into the story having all but forgotten the event of moments ago, the magazine again teetered. Lolling from one side of my rotund frame to the other. There was no putting this out of mind. It had indeed happened. This wasn't some delusion of pregnancy brought on by hormones and lack of sleep.

Closing the magazine I placed it cover down beside me on the bed. I pulled down the blankets, lifted my shirt revealing my fetal induced corpulence, and placed one hand on either side of my bulge. Where I quietly waited.

Sure enough, within moments, my belly rolled... like the rolling of the ocean tide. Undulating across the sea of my girth. As E moved, so to did the tissue covering and protecting him/her. I'm sure I cracked the biggest grin of my life. I was completely astonished!

(about this time, Damon got home from work)

I watched the drama playing out on/in my belly for several minutes in absolute amazement. When E chose not to turn or roll, but to begin kicking. Now, instead of calm billows, there were forceful thrusts attempting to blast their way out of the smooth surface of my midriff. This immediately brought to mind the scene in Alien where the unearthly infant cuts it's way through the crew members midriff. I couldn't contain my laughter - and not being one to emit a polite, petite, girly giggle - I blurted out an enormous belly laugh... causing some rather raucous stomach movements of my own. I'm sure this is where the producer MUST have drawn inspiration from for that scene.

In any case... it's now become a common event to find Damon or I staring at my nekkid midriff patiently waiting for the next performance or curtain call. After all; "Life is but a stage"... or at least a science fiction movie. ;)

88 Days Left - 3rd Trimester

2007-04-17T16:33:00.000-06:00

We are officially into the third trimester of our pregnancy. We're 27 weeks along, and have 88 days to go. My Braxton Hicks contractions are getting a little more insistent this week... they'd been relatively mild up until now. It's not unusual for them to come in clusters (4 or so an hour). They don't last long though, and become stronger the longer I've been on my feet. I find taking a break, and laying down for a while usually brings them to an end - at least for a little while.

I think "E" may be getting a little more cramped, as his/her movement have changed a bit. E doesn't seem to be able to stretch out and HOLD the stretch like E used to. This has actually made things a bit more comfortable. I still get kicked and prodded... but those movements don't hold their extended position any more. It's KICK and release. LOL There are also some new feelings in there that I can't identify, really mild and slight. After doing some reading I think they may POSSIBLY be hick-ups (which apparently start at the beginning of the 3rd trimester), don't know for sure... but that might be an explanation. LOL

Anyway, the time is going really quickly now. I'm starting to get a little nervy about all that still needs to be done before E gets here. At this point, E could survive outside the womb - but E'd have to sleep in the sink. LMAO So we really need to get moving.

We're Not Moving.... STRESS!

2007-04-16T14:15:00.000-06:00

Our mortgage broker called me today to give me some rather negative tidings. It seems we won't be moving after all. The best she could do for us would be a house that's worth twice what we paid for our current home. Sounds fabulous right? Not so much. The market in Saskatoon is so inflated right now, that twice our current mortgage value gets us into... well... our home.

Time for a new strategy.

We'd already looked at remortgaging, and building another level onto our house - hiring a contractor and the like - and it just wasn't an option. Even with what we could get (cash wise) by refinancing, we'd be looking at double that to build a second story.

What options does that leave us with? Not a whole lot.

#1 - (which is what my mother would have us do) Get rid of our pets and use the space created that way to make room for baby.

#2 - (which is what we're actually going to look into doing) Start calling around to family and see if we have enough skill and manpower to build onto this place ourselves.

So, we've asked Yvette (our mortgage specialist, who really is fabulous) to shop around for us. We're confident she'll find us the best possible options for refinancing. She's gone out of her way to help us in the past, and I know she'll continue to do the absolute best she can for us.

In the mean time, we have to start hitting up family. UGH. Not something I'm looking forward to... but I suppose one does what one has to in order to make things work.

I really think my Grampa (who has been one of my best friends since I was in elementary school) is our greatest resource. He has knowledge out the wazoo! He's a former plumber and carpenter. He's built all sorts of things - from knick knacks to buildings. If anyone will be able to help us with this scheme, it will be him.

Grampa Wan Kanobi, You're our only hope!

Another Thing I Want. :)

2007-04-12T17:03:00.000-06:00

Okay, one more thing to add to the list I'd previously posted. :)

Ergo Baby Carrier --> This carrier absolutely rocks! I've yet to find even a slightly negative sounding review, and I've read hundreds now. I'd still like some kind of a sling for when E first makes a showing... but this carrier sounds like it will last right from infancy to toddlerhood - what could be better!

The Countdown Begins... and Daddy Gets Kicked!

2007-04-05T14:14:00.000-06:00

As of today we are 25 weeks and five days pregnant. What does this mean? Well, we're into the final countdown. 100 days till our due date! Yippee!!!

Last night was a bit of a treat. Damon felt his first kick! Little "E" has been hitting me hard for weeks, but yesterday evening E was especially active - and hitting up quite high near the surface. I've been able to feel kicks when my hands are resting on my belly for some time, but I know exactly where, and when the kicks are happening. Damon doesn't have the "benefit" of feeling them on the inside too.

Anyway...

I took Damons hand - which was, of course, on the keyboard as he played World of Warcraft - and placed it to the left of my belly button. I placed my hands on top of his to ensure he'd actually put a little pressure on my belly (he won't do that on his own, the fart). E got quiet for a second, and I'm sure Damon thought the activity was over. Then his eyes got so wide I thought they'd fall out of his head. LOL I've never seen a look like that on his face before. It was more amazed disbelief than anything else. He got kicked two more times, and then it was back to WoW.

It was pretty cool if I do say so myself.

Sick

2007-03-30T16:02:00.000-06:00

I have been sooo sick the last week and a half. It started out as a sore throat on Wed the 21st, by the 22nd I was out for the count. I'm still feeling relatively miserable, but I'm no where near as sick as I was.

That's my whole blog for today. ;)

Oooo... E just rolled over. Jeeze that's a weird feeling. Way better than being kicked though. ;)

Video of Our First Ultrasound!!!

2007-03-18T14:07:00.000-06:00

Our First Ultrasound

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Yes I'm Posting Again - Things I Want

2007-03-15T17:23:00.000-06:00

Okay... in my online searches these last couple of weeks I've started coming up with a list of things I want for little "E". Here are a few of those things. Feel free to print out a shopping list. I won't mind. Honest. ;)

The Arms Reach Co-Sleeper Bassinet! --> I love this thing. I adore the idea of co-sleeping with your infant. However, it's just not practical for us. I love pillows, lots of soft blankets, and my dogs in bed with me. None of those are safe for having baby in bed. That's when i discovered this lovely contraption. It attaches to the side of your bed, and provides a safe little alcove for baby to sleep in - right next to mommy. :) I most want the mini convertible, as I think it would be the most practical model for us.

Dr. Sears Books --> Any of the books by Dr. Sears would be awesome! Especially awesome would be The Pregnancy Book, The Birth Book, The Baby Book, and The Attachment Parenting Book.

Bummis Diaper Covers --> We've already got a load of cloth diapers (thanks mom), but we really do need diaper covers. I've done my research, and the Bummi line seem to be the best - and at a much more reasonable price than a lot of what's out there. My favorites are the Bummi Original, the Cotton Bummi, the Super Whisper Wrap, the Swimmi (for in the pool), and the Polar Bummi (for night time).

The Belly Bra --> This would just make me a whole lot more comfortable these last few months.

I'm sure I'll come up with more. heh heh But that's it for now. ;)

New Due Date, and Other Developments

2007-03-15T16:15:00.000-06:00

We had our first ultrasound appointment on the sixth (I know, I know... it's taken me nine days to post). I was desperately hoping to find out if we should be getting ready for Jack or Lily. So far whenever I refer to the baby I say "E"... not HE, not SHE... just E - which everyone seems to hear as HE. Anyway... Baby would not co-operate. E was all bunched up, refused to give us even a small glimpse of it's privates. I mean really. Modesty at this age? Come on. So it continues to be E.

One interesting development discovered at the ultrasound was our new due date. Apparently we had it wrong. We're not due on the 25th, we're due July 14th. Not really sure how we messed that one up. Not really sure how I was even fertile at that point. LOL But it is what it is. I like the 14th better anyway - less Summer heat at that point. ;) The less I have to sit, sweltering in 30+ (celcius) degree heat, with an enormous belly, the better.

A not so nice development with our little one, that really was amazing, and interesting, and cool, and fabulous at first, is all the movement E does. Now, I say that it started out absolutely amazing... it really did. To feel it moving inside me, turning, kicking... it was breath taking. Well... now it literally is breath taking. The little bugger honestly knocks the wind right out of me! It gets down right painful, especially when E does it in the middle of a contraction (braxton hicks, nothing to worry about). Good grief!

Can we talk about lack of sleep? Our little monster seems to have it's days and nights all mixed up. E's usually pretty quiet during the day... a half hour of activity here, ten minutes there... but come ten p.m. or later??? You'd think E was a kick boxing champion! It's really not unusual for it to wake me up four or five times during the night with it's gymnastics routines. It's really starting to worry me! If E is this active now, what the heck did we get ourselves into?!?!?!? Forget AD/HD... this goes beyond all that, we're going to earn our own set of "special" letters!

Anyway... I'm hungry (again). So I'm signing off. Take care. And right before you drift off for an uninterrupted, dreamy, full nights sleep - think of me.

Black or With Cream?

2007-02-08T17:05:00.000-06:00

I decided I needed a maternity swimsuit. I'd like to take some neonatal aqua motion classes, and well, my current bathing suit just isn't going to do the trick. Trying to squeeze into that would be like a really bad joke - or one of those showing up at school naked dreams. Not a pleasant thought.

Our first stop was a store called Thyme Maternity. They're normally a great spot for anything hip and trendy for soon to be moms. I wasn't in the mood to really look around (baby pushing against organs, causing some cramping, and what not), so as soon as I walked in the door I immediately asked for someone to point me in the right direction.

Seeing how spring is just around the corner, and most retail shops receive their spring wear and bathing suits in January I figured this would be a piece of cake. Lots of fun, vibrant, colours and great styles to choose from. What I saw in front of me was one rack... with four plain, boring, down right ugly, black swimsuits. One tankini (my preferred style) and three one pieces. I'm sure my jaw hit the floor.

"Can I start a fitting room for you?"
"Uhhhh... sure. I'll try all of them."

What covered my newly larger breasts, was baggy and saggy in the butt. What fit in the butt, had my boobs popping out all over the place. Even if I had liked any of these suits, I'd be plum out of luck.

Next stop... the mall. Ugh. Not my favorite place on an ordinary day. Today, it just seemed like a cruel joke being played out by fate.

There is a store in the midtown plaza (Saskatchewans largest mall - and my least favorite place in Saskatoon) that I always hit when I'm ready for a new swimsuit. All they do is swim wear and swim related gear. Fabulous selection, knowledgeable staff, great atmosphere, a bit pricier than other shops - but well worth it. Figured they'd have at least eight or nine styles to choose from. I love this store.

Five bathing suits. Four of them mirror images of one another. Black one piece with contrasting trim, matching tankini. Identical Brown one piece with contrasting trim, matching tankini. Then down, at the very bottom rack... a plain BLUE tankini. Only three in stock, and they happen to be on sale (must be last years style, as apparently the newest trend in maternity swimsuits is modeled after funeral wear). There is one, a size larger than I usually wear. Figure it's worth trying on... figure they're all worth trying on. Again, I hear myself telling the sales person, "I'll try them all."

Not impressed with the black suits... but at least they fit both my breasts and my bottom. Wanted to gag when trying the brown suits... my newly darkened hair blended right in and made me want to cry (dang hormones). The blue suit, while nothing special, was blue. I love blue swimsuits. All my favorite swimsuits have been some shade of blue, it matches my eyes... and just says something about the serene quality to be found underwater where no one cares to bother you, where you can just relax and breathe deep. The blue swimsuit fit (gotta love the weight gain that often accompanies pregnancy). I bought the blue swimsuit.

Just for "fun", we stopped by a shop called Motherhood. I noticed a sign out front that said SALE, so figured it couldn't hurt to look around.

"Welcome to Motherhood!"

A chipper voice floated out, smiled, and slapped me across the face.

Good gawd... is THAT what this was? I stopped in my tracks, and had to think about it for a second.

"Heh. Yeah." I couldn't even bring myself to look at the sales lady behind the counter. Face forward to avoid any chance at eye contact. Found the swimsuits on my own.... and was glad I bought one already.

It was time to run away and have a smoothie.

Heartbeats!

2007-02-07T14:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had a check-up with my OB/GYN (who is wonderful, btw). I'd hoped we'd be doing our first ultrasound, but no luck. However something rather amazing happened during our visit. Damon and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was the strangest thing. Very honestly, I'm still a little put back by it. There simply aren't words to describe hearing that fast, rhythmic beating coming from ones gut (which is not a place associated with any poetic connections of the heart).

Dr. Payton initially found the heartbeat as soon as she placed the stethoscope on my stomach. The stethoscope, I should add, was fitted with a speaker so that the slushing, gurgling sound of my insides filled the small sterile room. Before I realized what had happened she quietly exclaimed "Oh! It's moving.", and adjusted the instrument so it was further onto my right side... where the beating again resumed with much strength and seeming enthusiasm over the simple act of being.

Everything was over within a matter of a minute and a half, but a day later and I'm still reeling from the experience. Damon phoned my parents and his own to share the news. I talked to my little sister, Jewles. Being twelve, her summation of the experience boiled down to one statement: "That's Weird."

Elaborating, at seeing my slightly inquisitive head tilt, she went on.
"For one body to have to heartbeats"

Yep. She's right. It is weird, as so many "everyday miracles" are.

Fat, Fat, Fat

2006-12-20T17:03:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm definitely showing. All my clothes are way to tight around the midriff. I honestly don't mind showing. I'm actually looking forward to having the big pregnant belly. What I don't like is my current state. I don't look pregnant, I look fat. Seriously. It's not cool. Thank goodness it's winter - and I can hide inside my winter jacket wherever we go. ;)

Blonde No More

2006-12-09T06:01:00.000-06:00

I was in the master bathroom at my parents house... a room with fabulous light. Half asleep I glanced into the mirror. What normally would have remained nothing more than a quick glance before returning to bed became a long stare. It took a second for my exhausted eyes to focus. Completely bewildered. Such a thing could not happen to me. The girl with the perfect head of strawberry blonde hair.

From my time in beauty school, studying cosmetology almost a decade ago, I knew that some women experience a change in the chemistry of their hair due to pregnancy. This change can manifest itself in many ways, one of the most noticeable being that blondes may simply cease to be blondes. I also knew that my mother was a blonde child, but I had always known her as a mousy brunette. None of this had entered my conscious mind as something that might effect ME... not until tonight.

I tried to go back to sleep after the disturbing image in the mirror, but I could not. I have so long defined myself as a blonde. I loved my hair colour, would never dream of changing it. People, complete strangers, would complement me on my lovely lovely hair. It will never happen again.

As of tonight, I must step up and claim this colour that I don't recognize as my own. Tonight I saw, not my own beautiful blonde head of hair, but the bland brown hair of a stranger in the mirror.

Now... in my defense... I'm not saying that brunette is an ugly colour. There are some gorgeous shades of brunette that any woman could be proud to claim as her own... however, none of those are to be found on my newly dulled crown.

blah, boring, mousy, yuck

I didn't realize I was still this shallow, but there it is.

Even my eyebrows have darkened. My crowning glory has diminished... Like a light having been put out. If I'd have known those were my last weeks with my blonde locks, I would have treasured them so much more. Spent more time in the sunlight. Taken more pictures. I would have waited to have cut my hair.

Regrets of a former blonde.

BIG BIG NEWS!

2006-11-23T14:15:00.000-06:00

On (roughly) July 25, 2007 I'll be welcoming a new two legger to our family. No... not another Parrot. Nothing with fur, feathers, or scales... a SKINKID! One with two legs, two arms, ten toes, and ten fingers. That's right. You heard me. Damon and I are pregnant! So get ready world, little Jack or Lily will be arriving in about eight months. :D

And just to be clear... morning sickness is a misnomer. I'm sick all day every day! I'm SOOO sick to my stomach! I'm tired, dizzy, and nauseas. Not cool at all.