I don't mean to harp on this... but I really am completely blown away by this whole idea.
We aren't talking about a six year old child having a temper tantrum at the supermarket because he wants a toy. We're talking about a three month old infant who is crying because he needs the comfort of his parents loving arms. You cannot spoil a child by providing for their needs.
Affection, love, comfort, safety, security... these are needs.
A baby only cries to communicate a need.
Wow. Sorry. I really am just stuck on the fact that there are still people out there who are bound to the archaic belief that babies are trying to manipulate them into spoiling them. Jeeze. I can't get past it.
Lily-Ann is high needs. She needs us all the time. She needs to be held. She needs to be walked. She needs to be rocked, swayed, bounced, cuddled. Am I worried at all that she is spoiled? Not a chance. Because we are meeting these needs now she will grow to be confident and secure. She will know that we will ALWAYS be here to meet her needs.
A baby cries to communicate a need that is going unmet. Whether that is a physical need like hunger, pain, or a wet diaper, or an emotional need like being held. It is our job as parents, family, friends, caregivers, to provide for their needs... even if we don't understand WHY it is they need what they do. We only have to know that the need is there, and then rise to meet it. I feel such sorrow for all those little ones who have already learned, by three months, that they cannot trust their family to meet their needs.
I'm going to go hug Lily-Ann.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Spoiled Babies???
A little background...
I'm a member of Babyfit.com, an online community for pregnant women (many who continue to be members after their babies arrive). The group there that I'd been most active in during my pregnancy was the group for moms all due in July of 07. I haven't been there much since Lily-Ann arrived, I simply don't have much time for things online - regardless of the topic. And believe me, if I were to make time for something, it's usually something about Lily or the dogs. However, I still have my preferences set to send me notices when something new is posted.
This brings us up to speed.
Today I received an email notice about a new topic that had been posted entitled "SPOLIED BABY!!!" (their spelling error, not mine). I was curious, and had a moment or two still since Damon was downstairs watching a sleeping Lily. Clicking on the link I discovered that one of the moms wanted to know how many other July moms let their babies "CIO" (read as cry it out). All I could think was "Wow! Really?". We're talking about three month old babies.
This mom considers her new infant son to be spoiled. She scolds her husband for picking their baby up when he cries. Somehow, she figures he's misbehaving if he cries because he needs attention and affection. I'm just beyond flabbergasted that someone could honestly believe that a baby who cries out for attention is spoiled or bad.
You can read the whole thread at: http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/team_messageboard_thread.asp?imBoard=20&imparent=496258
When I tried politely to point out that you cannot spoil such a young baby this was her reply, "When you hold a baby all the time and pick the baby up everytime they cry they respond to it."
Ummm... well... Yeah. Of course they respond when you pick them up. They respond to love. They respond to being held. You have responded to their request, their need for affection. How anyone can see that as a negative I simply am at a loss to understand.
She also states that "I make sure he is clean, not hungry or upset."
Perhaps it's just me, but a baby that is crying and being left to "cry it out" is obviously upset and in distress. How can someone not see that a child, who wants nothing more than to be held and comforted, is upset when you turn away from them and ignore their very fundamental needs and desires?
As my husband responded "how can you spoil a baby with affection?"
Wow. Just wow.
I hope she (or at least someone else reading her post) takes the time to look into Attachment Parenting, or to do a bit of looking into the work of Doctor and Martha Sears. It could do her, and more importantly her baby, a world of good.
I'm a member of Babyfit.com, an online community for pregnant women (many who continue to be members after their babies arrive). The group there that I'd been most active in during my pregnancy was the group for moms all due in July of 07. I haven't been there much since Lily-Ann arrived, I simply don't have much time for things online - regardless of the topic. And believe me, if I were to make time for something, it's usually something about Lily or the dogs. However, I still have my preferences set to send me notices when something new is posted.
This brings us up to speed.
Today I received an email notice about a new topic that had been posted entitled "SPOLIED BABY!!!" (their spelling error, not mine). I was curious, and had a moment or two still since Damon was downstairs watching a sleeping Lily. Clicking on the link I discovered that one of the moms wanted to know how many other July moms let their babies "CIO" (read as cry it out). All I could think was "Wow! Really?". We're talking about three month old babies.
This mom considers her new infant son to be spoiled. She scolds her husband for picking their baby up when he cries. Somehow, she figures he's misbehaving if he cries because he needs attention and affection. I'm just beyond flabbergasted that someone could honestly believe that a baby who cries out for attention is spoiled or bad.
You can read the whole thread at: http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/team_messageboard_thread.asp?imBoard=20&imparent=496258
When I tried politely to point out that you cannot spoil such a young baby this was her reply, "When you hold a baby all the time and pick the baby up everytime they cry they respond to it."
Ummm... well... Yeah. Of course they respond when you pick them up. They respond to love. They respond to being held. You have responded to their request, their need for affection. How anyone can see that as a negative I simply am at a loss to understand.
She also states that "I make sure he is clean, not hungry or upset."
Perhaps it's just me, but a baby that is crying and being left to "cry it out" is obviously upset and in distress. How can someone not see that a child, who wants nothing more than to be held and comforted, is upset when you turn away from them and ignore their very fundamental needs and desires?
As my husband responded "how can you spoil a baby with affection?"
Wow. Just wow.
I hope she (or at least someone else reading her post) takes the time to look into Attachment Parenting, or to do a bit of looking into the work of Doctor and Martha Sears. It could do her, and more importantly her baby, a world of good.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Obligitory Bathtub Pictures
Every baby must have bath time pictures. So... without further ado... here are Lily-Ann's obligitory Bath tub pictures. Taken October 29th.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
TEETHING!!!
Lily-Ann is teething, and has been for a couple of weeks now. Poor girls gums hurt something fierce at times... others she just sucks on her bottom lip or chews on her thumb. There are times though when you just want to tear your heart out because you can't do anything to make her pain go away. We carry her, we rock her, we walk with her, we bounce her, we rub her gums with all sorts of things (fingers, cloths, teethers, soothers, blankets, etc)... but sometimes, no amount of soothing will help - and those are the worst times to be a parent. :( My poor little squishy strawberry.
On a happier note. I'm taking Lily-Ann swimming for the first time tomorrow. A couple other new moms will be bringing their wee ones along too. So we'll see how that goes. The water is going to be a lot colder than anything she's been exposed to so far, but I'm crossing my fingers that she'll love it. If so, it may be time to sign up for a mom & tot swim class. :D
On a happier note. I'm taking Lily-Ann swimming for the first time tomorrow. A couple other new moms will be bringing their wee ones along too. So we'll see how that goes. The water is going to be a lot colder than anything she's been exposed to so far, but I'm crossing my fingers that she'll love it. If so, it may be time to sign up for a mom & tot swim class. :D
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