Thursday, March 13, 2008

Photos From March

VIBee

Well... I figured since I promote the heck out of the Burts Bees Baby Ointment that I might as well make an ad for it. LOL So here it is, featuring Lily-Ann of course (photos I shot today, because I opened a new box of the diaper cream). Lily is our VIBee, our Very Important Baby.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Lily Singing Karaoke

Just thought I'd share a few photographs of Lily... it's been a while since I uploaded pictures for a slide show, and I'm sure some of you are chomping at the bit for a Lily-Fix. LOL So here she is. Singing Karaoke downstairs in the music room at her Poppy and Grams place. Marie, Damon, and Lily-Ann sat downstairs for quite a while just singing along... it was really cute.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I'm Full

I haven't been on myspace much these days. Lately I've been filling my online time with some of the applications at facebook (like "personality", "my personality", "human pets", and the old standby "oregon trail")... useless time wasters, but fun none the less. Besides, Damon is actually on facebook - and it's nice to do things together, even if it's just online.

Despite the huge changes Lily-Ann has gone through recently, I haven't found myself inspired to write much. I'm sure you've noticed. My blog had pretty much become posts consisting of a few sentences and an abundance of baby pictures. I know there are some of you who were/are grateful for those type of posts, but I'm also sure there are others who waited for something more substantial... and... well... substantial only comes when inspired. Today I hit on such inspiration.

I've been sick for a few days. Nothing serious. Just a cold. I'm on the tail end of it now, which is when my head tends to really hurt. I get colds often enough to know their life cycle. Seems since having Lily-Ann I've got a bullseye on my forehead for germs. If there's a bug out there, it's bound to end up going through my system. I'd had a few fairly healthy years, so this one has been a bugger and a half. I'm lucky to get a week or two between strains. It's beyond frustrating. Anyway. Like I said. This one is on it's way out.

My head is pounding like mad. My sinuses are gorged, stuffed, and my skull feels like it will erupt, spilling it's contents. I'm tired of being medicated - dimetapp, tylenol... after a while you just end up drained. Which is what I wish for my sinuses, drained and empty. In the midst of holding my head in my hands, rubbing my forehead into the bed, moaning about the unceasing fullness, I realized that I'm full. My heart is full. Unlike the packed in, congested, uncomfortable pain that is the fullness in my head, this fullness is one of a comprehensive, rich, deep, all encompassing contentedness.

I lay down, in a darkened room, on my stomach. My head resting on my hands at the foot of the bed. Gazing up near the low celling I am mesmerized. I watch Lily-Ann, on the cusp of sleep, gripping her Daddy's shirt in her wee fist. Her head in the crook of his neck, trying desperately to hold onto any form of wakefulness. He holds her fast, tight in his stable embrace and within his heart. I watch his eyes, move from her to mine, and back again... and I know that I am full.

In this time, in this place (this tiny, messy, over-crowded place), I am full. Despite it all. I am full. My heart. My world. There is no room for any more.

These quiet moments of realization are what, I believe, we all live for. They are what fuels us. What we look towards, and gaze back upon. They are what give us hope for the future. They are our raison d'ĂȘtre.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

No Lily to Rest My Eyes on Tonight

I have gone through a wealth of emotion tonight. It's my first night away from Lily-Ann.

I'm staying at my Mom & Dad's place for the weekend. They left on Thursday, and will be coming back on Sunday. Dad had a gig that worked out for Mom to go along so I jumped at the chance to babysit for the weekend. It's been FAR too long since I last spent the weekend, just me and my siblings.

Last night I had Lily here with me. She did pretty well. She'd get a little disorientated when waking, needing a feed or a diaper change. She wasn't always sure where we were at first, and would be a little alarmed, but would soon settle down knowing that I was right there. However there were a LOT of noises here that continuously woke her.

The phone here rings ALL the time. The dogs are loud and shrill. The kids make a lot of noise. The house creaks. Even my parents bed seems clamorous. All this made for one tired little girl. I thought a lot about it, and asked Damon to take her home with him tonight (he sleeps at home when I spend the weekend here, mainly to take care of the dogs while I'm away).

I figured I'd be fine. I've had how many years without Lily-Ann? How few months with her? I thought that maybe this would be a bit of a reprieve for me too. Actually get a full nights sleep - haven't had that since I became pregnant. I knew though... as evening drew closer and closer, that this was going to be horribly difficult for me. I resolved to send Lily home for the night, regardless of how it would affect me. She needed to be at home. Needs to be at home.

Oh how the tears flowed as I handed her to Damon, watched him bundle her into her car seat, and then stood there as they drove away. Thankfully the kids were all busy with a movie I brought over (they didn't even realize Lily and Damon had left until after it had ended). I never imagined it would be so hard to be without her. It's just one night. She'll be back here tomorrow... but watching her leave ripped my heart right out.

Logically I know she'll be fine. She has her Daddy. But he's not me. He's not her mommy... and no one knows her as well as I do. No one knows what each little movement, each little noise, means... like I do. No one responds to her as quickly, with as much care, or with as much attention and detail as I do. She is my heart, and she's never been without me, or I without her.

After tucking my brothers and sisters into bed, I went into my parents room... where Lily and I slept the night before. I fixed her spot in the bed. I sat beside her spot, and I picked up one of her toys that was laying there. I held it and I cried. I'm such a baby.

These last couple of weeks have been so amazing. Lily-Ann has grown so much, learned so much, accomplished so much, changed so much. She's trying new foods every day. She's sitting up on her own. She lives with purpose, intent on taking things in. Constantly curious and so focused. Exploring concepts like cause and effect. She is so completely awe inspiring. I'm continuously struck by how much she has changed my life. I am SO lucky. She is SO incredible. She's amazing!

I'm such a wimp. I really do need to go to bed. I should be taking advantage of the fact that for the first time in a year I might be able to sleep an entire night. Instead, I'm out here wishing I were with her. I'd rather get a few hours intermittently throughout the night, and have her to astound me (because, yes... even in her sleep I find her breath taking). I'd prefer to be exhausted and in love, than fully rested and wondering.

She needed to be at home. I have to keep reminding myself of that. This isn't about what I want, or what I need. Lily needs to be at home. She has her Daddy to care for her and watch over her. I just have to buck up and deal with not having her here. Oy! Easier said than done.

It's going to be a long, long night.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Adventures With Fruit



Lily-Ann had her first apple today! Just like her first veggie (some time ago), she was absolutely mesmerized. She did really good, and I couldn't help but snap a few quick shots to share. :)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

LIly-Ann Can Hold Her Bottle

On the 17th of this month, I bought a set of handles for Lily-Ann's bottles. She can now hold them all by herself. Mind you, she's not very good at it yet. LOL Only about half of what's in there ends up being ingested, but it's so darn cute to watch her practice. :)

Here are a couple of slideshows, full of pictures I took of the very first time she used the handles on her bottle. The first set is before I wised up... she had formula in the bottle. The second set is after I got wise... no shirt, just a bib and a bottle full of bottled water. :D Since then I've gotten even smarter. Now she has a sippy cup top for on her bottle, we reserve the nipples for when mommy or daddy is holding them. LOL








If you are ever having trouble viewing the slide shows, just click on the button that says "view all images" and a new window will open that allow you to see that particular set of photos.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Taija-Lynn & Lily-Ann

Josh and Tyla (my cousin and his wife) brought their baby girl Taija-Lynn over for the going away party last night. Unfortunately they were only stayed for about an hour, and we were a half hour late. LOL But I did manage to snag a couple photographs of the girls together.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Family Moving On, and a 4 Generation Photograph

Tonight my parents held a going away party for my Auntie Colleen and Uncle Jim. They are missionaries and are leaving tomorrow morning, they're moving to Panama. They will be missed, but at least this time it will be a lot easier to stay connected. Years and years ago (about 15 years actually) they took a missionary placement in the Seychelle Islands. Back then though, there was no myspace, no blogs, no instant messaging, no iChat... it was snail mail - which took a month to get there, and then a month for a reply. It's hard to see them go, but this time it's much easier.

While at the party, we took a moment to grab my Gramma, my Mom, and Lily-Ann for a quick photo session. As I've mentioned before, Damon HATES taking pictures... but he is getting better at it. :) He took about 16 shots, and with a little digital editing, we have a couple really nice pictures to show for it. So, here they are... Lily-Ann with her Mom (me, Tobi-Dawne), her Grams (my mom, Connie), and her Great Grandma (my Gramma, Shirley).